dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
