Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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