i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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