All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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