You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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