he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
