the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
