you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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