my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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