just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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