Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
