That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
