I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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