and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
