I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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