My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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