oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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