i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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