Already got asked if we're dating
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
