Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
