I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
