I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
