TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
