sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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