You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
