We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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