Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
