You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
