Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
