So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
