I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
