all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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