So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
