wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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