Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
