Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
