FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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