he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
