I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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