I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
