Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
