I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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