At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
