I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
