I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
