I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I believe in your delicious
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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