Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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