break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
