I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
