I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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