Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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