I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
