So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She said her name was "party"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
