i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
