she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
