This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
