dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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