so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
