He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
