wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
