I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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