allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
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Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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