Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
