He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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