Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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