I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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