I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
