Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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