its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
