My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
