so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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