she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
