just come out here and I will go home with you...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
