omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
